


Ocean Eyes

by AlicienneOfTarth



Series: True Colors [1]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-29 19:03:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20440970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlicienneOfTarth/pseuds/AlicienneOfTarth
Summary: "He almost felt the lure of that voice, a cure against his apathy, he almost sensed the urge to turn and to see who was hiding behind it, but the need to exit the pub was still stronger, at least until he heard a laughter, that laughter, her laughter and then, only at that point, he turned.And she was there."After eighteen years spent apart, Jaime and Brienne met again. They'll have to deal with the responsabilities of their present lives,the ghosts of the past haunting them and the frightening realization that they have never stopped loving each other.





	1. Ocean eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silvianap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvianap/gifts).

> Ok, I'm back and I need to blame two people for this story: my friend Silvia who keeps putting ideas in my head and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau who posted this song, Ocean eyes, in his IG stories months ago, inspiring me. I thought this story like it was a movie, with alternated scenes between present and past(I wrote the past ones in Italic) and with songs matching them. It's quite long,I'm sorry, but I didn't want to break the rhythm and divide the story into chapters; I put a second aesthetic in the middle of the story that can work as a bookmark if you want to take a break and read the story in two parts.  
English is still NOT my first language.  
I apologize in advance for any mistake, the story is long and there will be some mistakes for sure.  
I hope you like it.

[](https://ibb.co/vP97Skz)

The pressure;

it was still suffocating him, like a second skin that he wasn’t able to tear away from himself, like it had become a part of him, a reality he couldn’t change anymore. His feet had carried him away, away from home, away from the same old responsibility, away from his family and the burden it had always comported. The awareness of being a failure, the awareness of being forced to spend his life finding a remedy for a mistake he had never really understood.

Jaime had played that game, the one in which you turn the globe and then you point at it, eyes closed, choosing a very random spot on the map.

Storm’s End.

He hadn’t been really pleased with that outcome, not even disappointed, he simply didn’t care.

One place or another, far away from home.

Storm’s End, through the years, had become an ideal tourist destination due to its imposing ancient architecture in the old city mixed with the attractiveness of the sea life and its clubs and luxury resorts. He just had to pick one and to lose himself for a couple of days, a week tops.

The prospective of spending his nights half drunk surrounded by the sweet, but imposing, sound of the waves hadn’t be that hard to bear; he could pretend to be someone else, someone with not a care in the world perhaps, he could pretend that his life wasn’t about to change forever.

But while he was gulping the second beer of the night, leaning on the moist counter of the moistest pub of Storm’s End, his shirt half unbuttoned glued to his chest, his patience already at the verge, he hadn’t planned to have his ears tortured by the one and only Karaoke night. Jaime groaned in his glass while a blonde middle-aged man was pouring his heart out in the drunkest yet tragic version of “I will always love you” he had ever witnessed. The audience seemed to appreciate his efforts, cheering for him, his name could have been something like Jonas or Jorah, he wasn’t sure, but as always lately he didn’t care.

Then it was the turn of a young boy, smiley face, that approached the microphone shyly.

He received some encouragements from a table in the corner of the pub. “Come on Pod, let us dream.”

When said Pod started singing a very tuneful and heartfelt version of one of those Ed Sheeran’s songs that could convert to rose-colored glasses even the coldest hearted bastard, he finished in frustration his second glass, turning to the bartender and asking him another one.

_Where our eyes are never closing_

_ Hearts are never broken_

__

_And time's forever frozen still. _

“Fuck me.” He said to the beer. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. That pressure, he was still fighting, was closing his throat, he drank again then to feel the coldness of the beer melting that feeling, but it was still there, still imposing. At that point he knew he needed to leave, he knew that escape, born as a remedy of his unhappiness, had been the sweetest illusion.

He tossed some money to the counter and he stood up, ready to leave. He heard the first notes of the new song that was starting.

“Last night I dreamt of San Pedroooo.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Jaime shook his head in exasperation, it was a woman singing, judging by the voice, deep but pleasant, he had to admit. He almost felt the lure of that voice, a cure against his apathy, he almost sensed the urge to turn and to see who was hiding behind it, but the need to exit the pub was still stronger, at least until he heard a laughter, that laughter, her laughter and then, at that point, he turned.

And she was there.

She was different from the last time he had seen her, changed; her hair longer, almost brushing her shoulders and never so blonde before, dry and wavy like ears of corn under the sun. Her pale skin flushed due to a light tan that pulled out all her freckles, a million freckles everywhere. She wore a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt that left totally exposed one of her shoulder.

A new confidence, perhaps.

He looked at her while he felt that closure in his throat loosening, his head starting to spin, but not unpleasantly, his heart awakening. She was still laughing loudly at the microphone, her eyes reduced in two little slots; there were light wrinkles at their corner.

_Has she always been that beautiful?_

Then her gaze shifted from her friends, it made a quick tour of the pub until their eyes met.

He held his breath.

The realization seemed to hit her in turn because she wasn’t able to tear her eyes away.

The more he looked at her, the more he wanted to reduce the distance between them, but he stayed still, his eyes still fixed on her. She stopped singing, despite the animated protests in the background that he could barely discern. Her eyes were the same, two big haunting dreams that he had never forgotten.

Oceans.

He finally took a step in her direction and that seemed to break the spell because she immediately dismissed his gaze while the microphone landed with a void thump on the floor. She almost ran to the exit, leaving the pub.

He followed her.

He found her in a semi dark alley at the side of the place, he could see her body almost trembling, her shoulders going up and down due to her accelerated breathing. He was sure he was mirroring the same picture. He wanted to say something at that point, to make her aware of his presence but she sensed it alone because two seconds later, she turned, facing him.

Her eyes were glassy and big.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out from his lips.

Then she surprised him because in three footsteps she threw her arms around his neck.

He stayed still for a second, his arms loosened at his sides, but when he felt her grip tightening around him, almost desperately, he released the breath he was holding and while one of his arm encircled her waist, the other climbed up, lingering on her back, until his fingers interlaced in her hair, keeping her in place.

He inhaled deeply, losing himself in her familiar scent, peaches and a hint of chlorine and when he felt her starting to distance herself, he prolonged the contact, his cheek brushing against her hair.

_Stay here._

He pulled back seconds later to look at her, but he found something new in her eyes, was it rage?

They were cold and distant.

Then suddenly, she slapped him.

* * *

_A slap would have hurt him less;_

_His step sister’s words had always had that power on him, the power of making him feel like a failure. “Have you finished following me everywhere like a sick puppy?” She had told him. When he looked at her at the corner of his eyes, hand in hand with one of her last victims, he felt the rage boiling inside him. The bonfire at the center of the beach kept crackling undisturbed and he suddenly felt the need to vent his frustration on someone, a random stranger, a tree, a passing dog, because Jaime had always found himself in that position, the one in which he had no one to talk to. He scanned the beach full of drunken students, wandering around, until his eyes set on a big shape in a dark corner near the rocks. He knew her, her name was Brian, Brianna or something, he had seen her at the pool, surprised by her swimming skills and her total lack of beauty. _

_At first he had thought she was a man, then he had realized she was simply an ugly woman. _

_He approached her, already feeling a pleasant thrill thinking about the idea of bothering her. When he was close, he saw she was slightly trembling, her short hair messed up by the wind. Without thinking and he took his sweatshirt fastened at his shoulders and he handed it to her._

_She looked up, meeting his eyes for the first time and he felt an undefined feeling inside._

_“You seemed cold.” He told her._

_She seemed perplexed by his gesture, until her gaze turned into a scowl that immediately unnerved him. Why everyone kept questioning his kindness?_  
_That scowl made him want to be rude in turn, “even if with that shoulders, broader than mine, I doubt it will suit you.”_

_“Keep it.” She replied coldly._

_He sat down next to her, without thinking, but when she felt his presence, she shifted farther to put some space between them. He chuckled amused, closing the distance until he was next to her again._

_They repeated the same dance twice, until she turned exasperated toward him. “Ok what do you want?”_

_“I’m bored.”_

_“I’m the most boring woman in the whole campus.”_

_“Are you a woman?”_

_“Piss off.”_

_“I don’t care if you’re boring, I’ll be the one talking.”_

_“I don’t like talkative people.”_

_“You don’t have to like me, just to listen to me.”_

_She ignored him at that point and he found that quite annoying. Her eyes landed on a boy who was busy playing the guitar and singing sweet old ballads for his small audience. Jaime saw her eyes sweetening. “Oh come on.” He said loudly. She turned toward him. “What?”_

_“That one, really? He’s out of your league, totally.”_

_“No one ask--”_

_“Besides, do you really want the one playing the guitar during a bonfire? Do you realize there’s always a loser playing with the guitar those silly romantic songs to make the others hook up? Come on, everyone knows the guitarist is a loser.”_

_“Do you know who seems to me like a loser? Bec--”_

_“Anyway, he’s out of your league.. let me explain this better, if we were in an alternative universe, one without guitars for a start, he would be, if not the king, at least a prince while you.. I don’t know...maybe one of those tavern wenches who always pour the wine.”_

_She scowled at him._

_“Oh God, yes a wench, totally.”_

_“You’re an asshole.” She said back._

_His smile weakened for a moment, transfixed by the storm he found in her eyes. He found himself unable to look away. “I like your eyes.” He said, without noticing. She looked at him for some seconds, almost like she was searching for something behind his words and then she stood up, leaving him._

_“Cause my mind is just like hers,_

_just as broken, just as crippled, just as burned.”_

_He could hear in the background; he ran behind her, matching her path. “Wait.” He found himself saying, still without thinking, without noticing it._

_She turned, stopping her pace. “What do you want?”_

_He paused in turn, still contemplating her eyes, he wanted to find the right color to define them, something deep, something astonishing and unpredictable, like the ocean. “What do you see when you look at me?” He stammered._

_She frowned again in that unattractive, but already familiar way. “When you look at me, what.. what do you see?”_

_She didn’t waste time to find a meaningful answer. “Beauty.” She said casually._

_He didn’t want beauty._

_He shook his head lightly, closing the distance between them. “Try again and look at me, for real.. what do you see?”_

_She seemed a little bothered by his proximity, but she didn’t move. She studied his face then and he noticed a small scar on her upper lip and that inexplicable urge to want to discover everything about her, assaulted him for the first time._

_“Loneliness.” She said in a whisper._

_Her voice seemed to pull him out from a trance; he swallowed, studying her in turn. “It’s the same thing I see when I look at you.”_

_“You don’t even know me.”_

_“They say it takes our own loneliness to see another one. It’s like mirroring ourselves in the same truth.”_

_“And who says that?” She asked, her voice half trembling._

_“Me.”_

_She sighed, looking at him for a last time and then she resumed her walking._

_“We could spend some time together.” He blurted out. “I could help you with your competitions.”_

_She turned. “How do you--”_

_“I’ve seen you, at the pool. I play water polo and I train there.”_

_“I know it.” Everyone knows it._

_“You’re good.. really good. I could.. I could help you.”_

_A shade of a small smile suddenly graced her face and he felt a strange pull inside him. “I’d like that.” She said._

_He found himself inexplicably smiling at her in turn. “That’s a deal then, wench.”_

* * *

She kept turning in her bed, the same image torturing her mind and that smell, his smell, still on her, like a mark. He had changed, his hair was shorter, there was some gray in it, some bags under his eyes suggesting a difficult time, but his gaze was the same, half predatory, half tentative, half cocky, half needy. His gaze had always being the mirror of his contradictions and she had learned every one of them, like a different page of the same book.

She still felt that brief sensation of losing herself in his arms, their bodies always matching perfectly, like they were meant to be together, until the rational part of her had prevailed, remembering her everything happened in a blink and turning that realization into a slap on his face. She still felt her fingers tingle and that urge to caress his cheek a second later, already regretting her outburst. He didn’t know that eighteen years apart had just made her love him more, he didn’t know that, when she closed her eyes during some nights more lonely than others, she could sense that gaze deep on her, following her movements, she could feel his hands caressing her skin, his lips silencing her moans of pleasure; that every time she touched herself, she kept her lips pressed, tight, to avoid saying his name out loud. 

He didn’t know that there had never been anyone after him.

When she woke up that morning, she found sweat on her hairline, wetness between her legs, her breath accelerated and after blaming her treacherous subconscious, she hoped she could at least remember some parts of her dream. While she was indulging in her post slumber bliss, her phone rang. She sighed, searching for it on the side table.

-“Yes?”

-“Hi Bri, it’s me.”

-“Morning Pod.”

-“I’m calling because you need to buy some patches in the pharmacy before coming here. We finished them yesterday when little Lyanna fell on that rock.”

-She yawned loudly. “Sorry, yes of course, I’ll see you this afternoon.”

-“Perfect.. but Bri, wait, are you ok?”

-“Why are you asking?”

-“Well you disappeared yesterday, you seemed upset after the karaoke.. I tried to reach you but--”

-“Yeah, we’ll talk later about that.”

-“I knew there was something.”

-“Of course you did.”

An hour later, after a quick shower, she entered in the pharmacy. There was a queue and she joined it impatiently. She scanned the pharmacy randomly, lost in her thoughts, until a counter expositor caught her eyes. 

It was full of condoms, dozens of varieties. 

_Fuck, what did I miss all this time?_

Studded, pleasure-shaped, ribbed, flavored, warming, colored and wait Glow-in-the-dark condoms

Suddenly a very vivid image of a naked Jaime wearing just a phosphorescent green condom hit her._ A little bit showy perhaps but it would go so well with his eyes._ Wait, was that a banana flavored condom? Edible condoms? She instantly regretted the omelette she had eaten at breakfast.

Kiss of mint condoms, a sweet spearmint taste.

_Oh my God, did I brush my teeth this morning?_

XXL large condoms, ribbed for her pleasure.

“Fuck me.” She whispered.

“Yes?”

In a second she realized that it was her turn at the cash desk. “Fuck.”

The pharmacist looked at her, frowning. “Do you need them?” 

“Who? What?”

“Do you need some condoms?”

“No.” She started gesticulating, hitting the expositor and almost dismounting it in the process. “Absolutely no.” She added, laughing nervously, picking a “bacon flavored” pack from the floor and putting it at its place._ I’m about to throw up. _ “A toothpaste.” She said then. “I need a toothpaste.” She almost screamed.

The pharmacist looked quite scared. “A toothpaste?”

“The one you use to brush your teeth.”

“Of course, mint, herbal.. what flavor--”

“No mint, no. Anything but mint and some patches, thanks.” 

She payed for her stuff and she was about to leave when the woman behind her put a hand on her arm. “You should try the french ticklers, honey.” She whispered like she was revealing the fourth secret of Fatima. “Second shelf, third pack from the left. I tried them yesterday with my hubby, it feels like your vagina is dancing the samba, unmissable.”

“I.. well, that’s.. that’s interesting, I.. I’ll take in consideration your suggestion, thank you.”

“You won’t regret it.” She said in a singsong manner, shaking her hips in a little dance.

She exited the shop with a watermelon instead of her face and a strawberry toothpaste she would have never used once in her life. 

  


When she arrived at the beach that afternoon, Podrick was waiting for her, a curious glance on his face.

“Is everything ready?” She asked him.

“Yep.” He said smiling. “Ok, talk.”

She started disposing on the beach the things she needed for her lesson. “Remember Jaime?”

“Wait, that Jaime? Your Jaime?”

_If only it was true._ “He’s not mine, but yes that one I told you about.. well, he’s in town.”

“What?” Pod asked incredulous. “Ok, this is a problem.”

_Yes, it is._ “Oh come on, it’s not! It’s been what, eighteen years? I totally moved on.” _It’s not that I woke up wet this morning and a bunch of minutes later I was thinking about his penis in a phosphorescent green condom._ “I’m totally fine.”

Pod sighed, not really convinced. “He broke your heart, Bri.”

“We were young.”

“He did it, anyway.”

“I know.” She said, a hint of sadness in her voice. “Look, the kids are coming, go greet them.”

“On my way.. and Bri?”

“Yes?”

“You know that you can talk with me about everything, right?”

She nodded, smiling at him. “Did you know that bacon flavored condoms exist?”

“Not really what I meant, but ok.” He said confused. “You should try the cola flavored ones, anyway.”

Twenty minutes later she was surrounded by a bunch of eager kids who looked hopeful at her.

“Stop looking at me like that, we won’t go at the pool this morning.”

“Come on Brrrri.” Said a little girl, holding a flamingo float.

“No, Alis. Today we’ll stay here on the beach. You all need to learn how to swim in the sea, but first, you need to know the beach and what you can find here. You can find good friends or mean friends.”

“Can I be friend with a little crab?”

“Good question, Rickon.” She said. “Ok, let’s start with the little crabs. The little crabs are our friends, but they can be brats too when they want because they have claws that can hurt you. That’s why we won’t bother them.”

Pod reached them with a bucket and he overturned it on the sand. “Ok, who knows what is this?”

The kids looked at it in a mix of wonder and horror. “It’s a hat?”

“It seems an umbrella.”

Brienne laughed slightly. “It’s not a hat and not even an umbrella. That is a jellyfish, unfortunately dead, we found it this morning on the beach.”

“Can we touch it?”

“No, Martin. The jellyfish is definitely not our friend, if you see one, you need to leave the sea as soon as possible, is it clear?”

“But why?”

“Because these are tentacles.” She said, pointing at them with a stick. “And if the jellyfish stings you with these, it can be really painful, but mostly, if this happen you need someone to pee on your wound.”

The kids burst out laughing and she smiled, expecting the outburst. “You don’t believe me? It’s true.”

“Stop it, Briiiii.” They kept laughing.

“Bri, I’m going to take some fruits and water.” Pod told her and she nodded back. “Thanks.”

“Ok, everyone, what is this?”

“A bottle?”

“Yes, Jenny, this is a plastic bottle. Do you think is our friend?”

“Yeah.” They all replied.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s not a friend because if it goes in the water, it ends up in the fishes’ belly.” Lyanna said.

“You all, Lyanna is right. This is dangerous, because it can hurt our friends, the fishes, and we don’t want to hurt them, right?”

“Noooo.” They said all together.

“Then I want you to collect every empty plastic bottle on the beach when you see one. Deal?”

“Yesss.”

  


He was looking at her, leaning against a rock, smiling sweetly at the picture in front of him. She was surrounded by kids, laughing with them and he couldn’t look away. There was something new in her, a lightness she had never possessed, a light that made her beautiful with a peculiar beauty, almost intangible.

After all these years, she was still a mystery, somehow. He could still feel the pressure of her fingers slapping his cheek, he could still see the slight trembling of her lips the moment she had hit him and the sweet regret in her eyes a second later.

He observed her from his spot, not daring bothering her lesson until someone called her.

“Brienne, there’s a call for you.”

“Tell them I can’t now.”

“It’s the Director, it’s urgent, he needs to talk with you.”

“Will you keep a look on them for a few minutes?”

“I have an appointment in two minutes.”

“Then I can’t leave them.”

His feet carried him closer to her, without even noticing it. “Need a hand?”

Her eyes went up, looking at him and for a moment he felt almost blinded by their blue.

“Hey.” She greeted him.

“Go take your call, I check on them.”

“Are you.. are you sure?”

He nodded, smiling.

“I’ll be over there anyway, I’ll take a look too, I just.. well, thanks.”

He approached the kids, picking up an opalescent shell from the sand. “Ok, what is this?”

The kids seemed shy at first, until one broke the silence. “A shell.”

“Yes, it’s an opalescent shell, who knows how opalescent shells are born?”

They all shook their heads. “No one? Want to know a story?”

“Yeeeeeees.” They all screamed.

“Ok, kids, there was a time the Sun and the Moon lived together in the sky, and believe me when I tell you, they were inseparable, they were always together--”

“They were married?” A little girl said, making everyone laugh.

“More or less, sweety, they really, really loved each other and they were so happy.”

“What happened then?”

“It happened that the Time was really jealous of their happiness, because he was always alone and he wanted the moon for himself, that’s why, one day, he kidnapped her.”

An audible “Oh” came from his audience. “The Sun was desperate because he couldn’t find her moon anymore and at that point he decided to go under the sea to search for the Moon but every time he went underwater, the Time freed the Moon that returned up in the sky and once the Sun came back from the water, the Time pulled the Moon under. This dance went on forever and they never found each other again. And you know what? The Moon couldn’t stop crying.”

“Poor Moon.” Said Alis.

“Poor Sun too! Anyway, every time the moon cried, her tears went down in the water and mixed with the salt and the sand and thanks to the force of the waves, they created the opalescent shells.”

The kids were staring open mouthed at him when a voice called his attention.

“Won’t they ever meet again?” Brienne asked.

He raised his gaze, meeting her eyes and taking some seconds to reply. “Maybe, one day.”

“Yes, one day.” A kid screamed.

“But, every time the sun goes under the water, he picks some shells and the morning after, when he raises, he takes them to create his rays.. so it’s like a part of the moon is always with him.”

“Ooooooooooh.” They all said.

“Ok, little dolphins.” Brienne interrupted them. “Our time is over, say thank you to Jaime for this lovely story.”

“Thank you, Jaime.”

“And quite depressing.” She added under her breath.

“I heard you.” He said, smiling at her.

The kids said them hello, leaving them alone on the beach. He approached her, handing her the opalescent shell. “Keep it.” He said.

“Thanks.” She said shyly and he tried desperately to find an excuse to keep her there, when she surprised him. “Are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry.”

She laughed. “Do you want to eat something? My place is near.”

“Of course I do.”

They started walking on the shore, bared feet and he sometimes looked at her, enchanted by the little freckles on her nose. “So, do you teach them swimming?”

“Yes.” She said. “Actually, I have a school in town, but in summer I like to take them out here and I have a deal with this resort..”

“I’m staying there.”

“Great.” She said absently. “By the way, we’re here, this is my place.”

Jaime looked around, surprised. “A boat? Do you live on a boat?”

Brienne gave him a tour of her boat; it was small, narrow, but cozy. He was amused by the thought of her living there with her impossibly long legs and broad shoulders, but then another thought grazed his mind, another image, an intimate one. _How would have been to spend the nights on that deck chair at the corner, wrapped in each other’s arms, their hair messed by the breeze, her feet cold, interlaced with his._

_How would have been to make love to her in that tiny space, the sound of the waves covering their moans, the stars as the only witnesses?_

_How would have been to make love to her?_

They reached the little space on the front of the boat, sitting on the deck chairs of his fantasies. He looked at her in her new reality and suddenly he realized that there was a part of her that he still couldn’t catch. Eighteen years apart had reduced them to strangers? Or maybe this new confidence he could discern had made her even more fascinating, even more unattainable.

“Jaime?”

“Why did you slap me, yesterday?” He asked her abruptly.

She was surprised by his question, “yes, actually, I’m sorry for that.”

He smiled amused. “I didn’t ask you to apologize, I asked you why you did it.”

She looked down, playing with the shell she was still holding. “Why are you here?” She asked him, instead. He decided to let it go for the moment. “I needed a holiday.” He simply said.

“Why here?”

“Well, I chose a random place on the globe.”

She laughed at that. “Really?”

His smile in response turned in a sad one. “I just.. I just wanted to go away from home, it didn’t matter where.” He looked at her, realizing she was trying to find a meaning behind his words. “I’m going to get married in a month.” He said.

She opened her mouth to reply, but then she closed it immediately, there was a hint of surprise on her face, but the disappointment was stronger and he soon realized he was living for that disappointment. “That’s.. wow, I mean, congratulations! That’s a wonderful news, really a wonderful, wonderful news..”

He didn’t reply, he just kept looking at her, biting slightly his bottom lip in amusement.

“How is she?” She asked, ignoring his reaction. “I bet she’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yes she is, her name is Margaery, Margaery Tyrell.. yep, that Tyrell..it’s in all the gossip magazines, I thought you knew.”

She shook her head, the forced smile slowly leaving her face. “I don’t read that crap.” She whispered. “I’m happy for you, anyway.”

“It’s an arranged marriage.” He simply said and he was enthralled by her confusion.

“An arranged.. wait does this stuff still exist?”

He chuckled, “yes, apparently.”

“Well, then.. I mean, do you love her at least?”

He sighed, leaning against the deckchair. “I met her a month ago, Brienne.. I barely know who she is.”

“Why, then?” She asked him softly.

“My father decided it, he gave me no choice.” He said, closing his eyes.

He felt her fingers touching briefly his hand. “Tell me about it.” He met her eyes, knowing he had already fallen for her again.

And those eyes always made him want to give her everything.

“Three years ago I made a mistake.. actually this is what everyone keeps telling me. Lannister associates is probably the best legal company in King’s Landing, or better it was, until I screwed everything up. Remember the Aerys Targaryen case? Aerys came to us, to my father, they were old time friends, asking him to defend him in court. His wife accused him of domestic violence and rape. Well, my father thought that case would have finally been the turning point for my career. You know, The Targaryens are probably one of the most important and wealthy families in the whole continent. He felt it was my moment.” He stopped, taking a breath.

“What happened then?”

“I started working on the case, I didn’t want to disappoint my father, it was literally my chance.. but the more I worked on it, the more I felt something was wrong, until.. until one day, I realized Aerys wasn’t innocent. And believe me, I know I probably knew it from the very first moment I started working on the case, but suddenly it hit me. And I felt angry, disgusted.. I took all the files about the case and I burned them, leaving him without a defense strategy two days from the trial.” He sighed, closing his eyes again. “I just couldn’t do it. I went talking with his wife who told me and showed me all the signs of his violence and I felt so powerless and ashamed of myself that the only thing I could do was resign the case. My father was hysteric, he tried to represent Aerys but the total lack of preparation costed them an epic defeat. Aerys is in prison now, still claiming his innocence, but my family’s company since that day lost every crumb of credibility and prestige it had built through the years. That’s why now I need to marry the wealthiest heiress in town and I can’t tell a word in merit.”

She didn’t say a word after his tale, but he could sense her eyes still on him and while he could try to resist them for some seconds, he turned toward her almost immediately to lose himself in that old spell, finding out there was no other thing he wanted to look at, just her eyes.

“I was proud of you.” She suddenly said. “I followed the case in the News and.. I was so proud of what you did.”

He almost held her breath at her words. “You knew about it, why did you make me speak about this?”

“Because I wanted to hear it from you.”

He swallowed, trying to hold back his emotion, then he reached out, touching briefly the tips of her hair. “I like it this long.” He whispered. “It looks good on you.” Then he took a lock, putting it behind her ear. She broke the eye contact, half blushing and he finally found her shyness again.

_It’s still there._

She looked at him then, finding the courage again. “I think I still prefer the longer hair on you, though. I’m kind fond of it.”

He pretended to be offended. “Should I let it grow back for you?”

She laughed. “Shut up.”

She didn’t know he still would have done everything for her.

They ate ice-cream as the sun went down, the breeze messing gently their hair, none of them speaking, they had always been comfortable in their silence.

She had always been the only person whom he trusted enough not to speak, knowing he often used his words to cover the range of emotions he was feeling inside.

She suddenly burst out laughing, looking at him.

“What?” He asked her perplexed, his eyes softened.

“You still haven’t learned to eat properly, haven’t you?” She asked, wiping with her thumb some ice-cream at the corner of his lips.

* * *

_“Can you eat?” She asked him exasperated._

_“Of course I can eat, wench.” He said. “You open your mouth and you put things inside.”_

_“Your face is full of ice-cream.” She said, ignoring him. “You’re worse than a five years old kid, everyone is looking at you.” She said under her breath._

_“Mmm interesting, do you want to lick it off from me?”_

_“I can’t believe you.” She said._

_“At least they would have something interesting to watch.”_

_She stood up, leaving him on the bench._

_“Have you ever, wench? Lick the ice-cream from someone else?”_

_“Will you shut the fuck up?” She almost screamed._

_He chuckled out loud.“You are so red, God, you are redder than my raspberry ice-cream, does it embarrass you, doesn’t it? Talking about this stuff.. about intimate stuff, about sex.” He said suggestively._

_“Stop it.”_

_“I think I won’t.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I like to make you blush.” He said more sweetly than he intended._

_“I don’t like it.”_

_“I’m sorry, this game is about what I like.” He said, matching her steps. “Are you a virgin, aren’t you?”_

_She stilled immediately her walk. “Stop, please.”_

_He looked at her, smiling. “Yes you are, you are adorably red, like a cute lobster.”_

_“Have you finished?”_

_“No.”_

_“How old are you again?”_

_“Actually, wench, you just reminded me how lucky you are, it’s my birthday next week and I’ve decided to spend it with you. You can arrange what you want, I’m yours.”_

_“What if I don’t want it.”_

_He smirked, approaching her. “Keep telling yourself that.” Then he frowned at her. “Oh look.” He said, brushing the corner of her mouth with his thumb. “You have waffle’s crumbles everywhere. You can’t even eat properly, can’t believe you.” He said serious, shaking his head and leaving her on the spot._

_“Hey, that’s not true.” She yelled after him. “I hate you.”_

_He laughed._

* * *

She offered to walk with him to his hotel and he was simply relieved to have some more time to spend with her. It was like opening an old photo album, every feeling suddenly coming back to haunt him, but it was the sweetest persecution. They arrived at his resort and he was about to tell her good night when she interrupted him. “Can I show you something?”

_You can show me whatever you want._

She took his hand and for a moment he saw her lingering on the long scar marking it. She didn’t say a word though, while she led him on the terrace of the hotel. The sky was almost purple, some seagulls were singing a little too loudly, but it was all perfect. “That is Tarth.” She said, pointing at the island in front of them.

He smiled, remembering that it was her home. “I didn’t think it was this close.”

“Can you see that house that seems like a little castle on the hill? There’s a big oak in front of it.”

He looked carefully in front of him. “Your house?”

She nodded, smiling. “Next to it there’s a lovely park full of peacocks, I used to spend my days waiting for them to make the wheel.”

He chuckled. “A very busy child.”

“A lonely one.” She said softly and he stilled his hand to fight the urge to reach out and caress her cheek.

“What’s that?” He said instead, pointing at a bell tower at the center of the isle.”

She hesitated for some seconds. “That is the Saint Duncan’s church, it’s so beautiful.. it’s surrounded by a garden full of pomegranates. I love it.. it’s the church where my parents got married.”

He smiled. “It seems lovely.”

“I always wished that one day I..”

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s silly.”

“You would have got married in the same church?” He asked her and she nodded, dismissing his lingering gaze.

“I hope your dream will come true.” He said.

“It’s too late for that.” She replied and he wanted to find a prove it wasn’t.

“There’s still time.” He whispered instead, closing the distance between them. She turned, finding him close and she swallowed, looking at his lips.

His phone rang and she distanced herself immediately.

He sighed, picking the phone. “Yes?” He answered. “Hi, Margaery.” He wasn’t even listening to his future wife while his eyes were still fixed on her. “For the tableau marriage? Put him where you want, far away from me, I don’t care.”

Brienne lowered her eyes. “I should go, good night.” He heard her say faintly.

“No, wait.” He said, covering his phone with a hand and resting it face down against his leg. He approached her slowly until their faces almost touched; then he looked at her, kissing lightly the space between her cheek and the corner of the mouth. She closed her eyes, her eyelashes almost brushing his skin. 

“Sweet dreams, Brienne.” He whispered.

* * *

_“Is this a dream?? Are you telling me this is a boat?” He asked excited._

_Brienne sighed. “Don’t scream. Yes, anyway, it’s a restored war vehicle that can travel both on land and on water, so we’ll start on the street and then we’ll end up in the sea.”_

_Jaime was looking at her like she was the most precious thing he had ever seen; she had took him at the “Viking splash tour”, one of the attraction of the capital._

_“Wench, this is the best birthday ever.”_

_She smiled, lowering her eyes shyly. “Yes, well I knew you would have liked it, it was specially recommended for eight-year-old kids, it seemed accurate.”_

_“See?” He said, punching her shoulder lightly. “You’re becoming funny too.”_

_“It’s your influence.” She replied sarcastically. “Come on, let’s go up.”_

_They took their seats, with Jaime insisting for the first row because he didn’t want to miss a word from the guide. “Wench, why is everyone wearing a Viking hat except us?” _

_“Because they are all kids, Jaime.”_

_He stayed in silence, contemplating her answer. “Ok, but I want a Viking hat.”_

_“You don’t want such thing.”_

_“Ok, two Viking hats coming, just gimme a second.”_

_“Jaime, fuck, no.. I don’t want a Viking hat!” She screamed, gaining a judgmental look by a mother in the second row._

_He returned three minutes later, the most satisfied smile on his face, with two big Viking hats in hand, Brienne’s one had two blonde braids glued to the helmet too. She covered her face with her hand the moment she saw him. He sat next to her and he immediately turned to put the hat on her head, fixing some rebel locks around her ears, then he stopped, contemplating her._

_“Oh my God, a Viking wench.”_

_“Piss off.” She said under her breath._

_“Ok everyone, this is a vehicle full of brutal Vikings.” The guide started screaming at the microphone. “That’s why I’m asking you to let me hear the most savage Viking roar ever existed! Everyone, I’m counting to three..”_

_Jaime’s roar almost broke her eardrum._

_The trip was a success, she actually enjoyed it more than she thought, it also provided a tour of the ancient ruins of King’s Landing, thing that she found really interesting and mostly because, every time she met his eyes, she found a new lightness that warmed her heart. More than once his eyes had closed up in two slots because he was smiling too much, his hand had patted her knee to gain her attention and to point at something unmissable he had spotted; at the end she found herself roaring too like an ancient Viking, at the end she didn’t flinch when Jaime, half asleep, rested his head on her shoulder. She just removed his stupid Viking hat to make him be more comfortable and he rubbed his forehead against her neck in response._

_It was when they were saying good night that she remembered she had actually bought a gift for him._

_“Thank you for the day, wench.. or should I call you Astrid wench? Or Freya wench?”_

_She laughed. “What about Brienne, for once?”_

_“Not happening.”_

_She shook her head, but she was still smiling. “Actually, I almost forgot, I have something for you.”_

_His eyes widened at her words. “For me?” He asked her in a small voice._

_She was surprised for a moment by his reaction. “It’s your birthday, Jaime.. it means you get to have some gifts.” She said, taking a pack from her shoulder bag and handing it to him. “Happy birthday.” She added._

_He looked at the pack in front of him, still transfixed, and then he took it, his hands half trembling. He opened it, tearing away the paper, until he revealed a book under it. “Nordic Myths and Legends.” He read with a whisper._

_“Yes, well, you’re always stressful and curious about everything and besides, you should really read more.. I don’t know, it seemed accurate with this day too and well, if you don’t like it, no problem, I’ll keep it.”_

_He met her eyes at that point, swallowing._

_“Look, it’s ok if you don’t like it, I won’t be offended.”_

_“It’s..it’s not that.” He said. “It’s just.. I can’t remember the last time someone made me a gift.” He added. “I’m slightly dyslexic by the way, that’s why I don’t like to read a lot..”_

_“I’m sorry, I had no idea.. If I k--”_

_“But I can’t wait to read this one.” He interrupted her, staring into her eyes. _

_She smiled at him and he smiled back._

* * *

“Two vodka tonic coming.” Podrick yelled from her little kitchen.

“Put just the vodka in mine.” She yelled back.

Podrick arrived, with his angelic smile always glued on his face. “Tell me everything.”

She gulped half of her drink down. “He’s going to get married in a month.”

“Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed.”

Podrick patted her hand once. “I’m sorry, Bri.”

She smiled sadly. “Actually, you know what? It’s insane.. he returned back in my life, when? Three days ago and now I’m here drowning my pain in a vodka because he’s going to be married soon.”

“You never stopped loving him, that’s why.”

She sighed, affected by the truth behind his words. “The fact is.. there’s always been this thing between us, I mean, I always believed, deep down, that, one day, he would have come back. I always felt like there was this connection, like an invisible thread linking us and day after day this thread was becoming shorter and shorter, like we were both pulling it from two opposite places in the world, until a day we would have found each other again. It’s fucking silly, I know, but that’s why when I saw him in that pub, I lost it.”

“I hate to tell you this, but you’re forgetting what he did to you.”

Brienne played absently with the rim of her glass. “I’m not. I could never.. sometimes though, I still find impossible to believe he was behind that. You know, there was this thing between us, this silent accord for which we could never lie to each other and that was because we could always see what we were really thinking just looking in each other’s eyes. He was often harsh with me, sarcastic, sometimes mean but then, I looked at him and all his jests turned into affection. It was like he wasn’t able to communicate how much he cared.”

“And eighteen years apart didn’t change that?”

She shook her head with a small smile, finishing the remaining cocktail. “I still feel that presumption that makes me believe to be the only one who really knows him. The only one who knows the way his mind works, that can read his eyes and always find something behind there.”

“And yet he’s marrying another woman.” He told her softly.

She closed her eyes, leaning on the deck chair. “It’s an arranged wedding.”

“A what?”

“He doesn’t love her.” She said, clinging on those words like they were her only salvation.

Podrick looked at her perplexed. “It’s an arranged marriage so he doesn’t love her..” He repeated absently. “Does he fuck her?”

* * *

_“Do you fuck your sister? Is it true?” She asked him, a soft voice he had never heard from her. “What they say.. did you.. do you fuck your sister?”_

_He looked up at her, surprised and almost annoyed by her bluntness. That gossip was wandering in the campus since months, but apparently it had reached her ears only now. He didn’t want her to know it, he didn’t want the possibility that her opinion about him could change._

_“Step sister.” He said back._

_She dismissed his gaze, looking down. “Ok.”_

_He searched for her eyes, trying to find the right words to describe what he saw in them. “What is it?” He asked her then. “Are you mad? Disgusted? God, say something.”_

_She raised her face, challenging him. “I’m disappointed.”_

_He let out a bitter laugh. “Not the first time I’m a disappointment for someone, you’re not special, sweetheart, I’m sorry.”_

_She ignored his rudeness. “I’m not disappointed by the fact you fuck with your step sister.. I’m disappointed by the fact you didn’t tell me.”_

_It was now his turn to laugh. “Are you real? I’m telling you I fuck my almost sister and you’re complaining just because I didn’t tell you? I can’t believe how naive you are.”_

_“I thought..” She started, interrupting him. “I thought you trusted me..I thought we were friends.”_

_He swallowed, trying not to be affected by her words, her purity was turning into rage inside him. “We know each other from two months.. two fucking months, do you realize it?” When she didn’t reply, he kept talking. “What did you expect? Did you think we would have spent the time telling each other our darkest secrets and braiding each other hair?”_

_“Please, stop.” She said in a whisper._

_“Do you know why I decided to talk to you the first time?” Her lack of reaction felt like an incentive for his spite. “Just because Cersei fucked with my mind, accusing me I had nothing besides her. I just wanted to prove her wrong, but since I didn’t want to waste my energies, I searched for the most lonely soul that would have been desperate enough to be the easiest and quickest prey.” She was motionless at his words. “Or maybe I just needed someone to spend my fucking birthday with because it would have been to depressing to spend it alone.”_

_He still hadn’t finished talking that she was already out the cafè._

_He regretted his words instantly, punching the table hard and gaining looks from the whole place._

_I’m an idiot._

_He stood up then, exiting the cafè and running after her. It was pouring hard, the rain immediately wetting him from head to toes; he kept running, following her pale hair, like a candle in the darkness. A car almost ran over him when he ignored a red traffic light, he apologized, touching the hood of the car to steady himself. Then he resumed his running, the water hitting his skin, his breath coming short, but he couldn’t stop, fearing it was already too late. His steps carried him like they were in command of his body until some seconds later he was finally close enough to call her. “Wait.” He said._

_She turned, facing him, her tears mixed with the rain and looking in her eyes, for a moment unable to say something, he realized it then._

_-I will take the dark parts of your heart into my heart._

_It said a song that she had made him listen two days ago, despite his protests made up just with the intent of irritating her; She didn’t know he couldn’t stop listening to it now; and the more she looked at him, with those eyes wet and never more beautiful, the more he realized she was the only light able to relieve his darkness._

_“I trust you.” He said in a whisper, audible enough only by her._

_She swallowed imperceptibly, giving him a brief nod._

_“I didn’t fuck her for the past two months.. since when..”_

She frowned, trying to guess his final words.

_“Since when I met you.” He said then._

_“Why?” She asked confused._

_Because I’m trying to be better, he wanted to tell her, for you, only for you. “I.. I don’t know.” He said her instead._

_She took a step toward him, closing the distance and he found himself unable to stop looking in her eyes. “You are the only friend that I have.” He said then, seeing a sweet blush gracing her cheeks._

_I want to touch her. The realization surprised him and she seemed to guess his wish because two seconds later he felt her fingers, delicate, moving a lock of hair on his forehead._

_He didn’t know that sweetness belonged to her._

_“Then try not to fuck this up.” She said._

_He chuckled in relief and she followed his laugh._

_From that moment he had promised himself he would have always made her smile._

* * *

-“I told you, brother, I’ll be back at the end of the week.”

Jaime said to the phone, leaning on the deck chair on the poolside.

\- “Great, because Father keeps following my ass everywhere, asking me where the fuck did I send you.. where the fuck did I send you, by the way?”

Jaime chuckled in the phone. - “You sent me in Storm’s End, because I need to talk with a key witness for one of your cases.”

\- “Storm’s End? What a total lack of taste, you could have chosen something more exotic, adventurous, far away from this fucking city.”

\- “I like Storm’s End.” He said dreamily.

After some seconds Tyrion talked again. -“Jaime, what’s happening in Storm’s End?”

-“Nothing, brother, I’m just falling in love.”

\- “Oh fuck me, Jaime.. tell me you’re joking.”

He sighed into the phone. - “You got me, I’m joking.. I never stopped loving her.”

-“Jaime.. Jaime I sw--”

-“I need to go, Tyrion, see you soon.” He interrupted him, ending the call.

Jaime sighed, closing the eyes and reopening them ten seconds later to be surprised by the amount of the stars in the sky. It was a game they often played together, after some night spent studying, he took her in the small garden of his little campus apartment and they lay down, eyes closed, counting down to ten and then opening their eyes at the same time, because they liked to be overwhelmed. She didn’t know it was her presence that made him feel like overwhelmed at that point.

“What are you doing here?”

He left the sky for a moment, meeting her eyes. She wore a floral sundress, one of those pieces that felt like silk between your fingers. He smiled, looking at her. _Has she always been that beautiful?_

Maybe yes, it was just his blind superficiality not able to recognize it.

Or she was one of those women that looked prettier with the age, but there was no woman like her, only her.

“Looking at the stars.” He said, not changing his position. _Please come a little bit closer._

“Have you counted down to ten?” She asked him.

He smiled, she remembered.

“Why would the stars want to look down on such as me?” She said then, almost acting, sitting at the end of his deckchair.

“I told you this line.”

“You did.” She smiled. “You told me it was your quote under your pic on the yearbook.”

“I remember.” He said, raising from his position. “And you replied with something like: stop it with this illogical romantic crap.” They both laughed at this.

“I was difficult to impress.”

“You still are, aren’t you?”

She dismissed his eyes, looking at the pool in front of her.

“Are you happy?” He asked her then. She turned back toward him, frowning in confusion. “Are you happy now, with your life? On that little boat?”

“Are you?” She replied him instead. He stood up, looking at her, then he removed his t-shirt and approaching the pool, he dived into the water. He started doing laps, enjoying the water caressing his skin, or maybe just enjoying the thought of her looking at him. After some minutes he rested with his arms on the edge of the pool, searching for her. She lowered her eyes, biting her bottom lip in that way she always did, not a hint of seduction, just shyness, that kind of innocent shyness that had always made him want to be the one biting her lip in turn.

“You didn’t answer my question.” She said then, hugging her knees, her sundress sliding on her skin, revealing her legs.

Her skin was the color of the moon.

“Join me and I will.” He said, teasing her. She surprised him at that point, removing in a blink her dress. She didn’t wear a swimsuit, just blue cotton panties and a matching bra. He smiled at her new bravery, ignoring the thrill of excitement that vision caused him. She stayed with her feet planted on the edge, next to him, almost in contemplation of her next moves and he looked up at her, challenging her intentions. Then his hand found her ankle, circling it, the fingers buried in her skin and he smiled, feeling her wild heartbeat under his fingertips.

It felt familiar.

“Come.” He whispered then, caressing her calf. He sensed her trembling a little at his touch until she dismissed it and she jumped, disappearing in the water. After some laps, she reached him at the corner of the pool. He looked at her, not able to hide his admiration.

She had always been a wonder in the water.

“Did you like ogling at me from that chair.” He said then, breaking the silence.

“I did not.” She blushed immediately, resting with her back against the edge “And if I remember correctly, you were the one used to do that.”

He approached her, smiling. “I was, wasn’t I?”

* * *

_He couldn’t tear his eyes away, her movements were firm, yet elegant, almost sensual. She seemed unstoppable in the water, her natural element, like all the insults couldn’t reach her there, like she entered in another dimension where she was able to be confident. The more he looked at her, the more he felt his heart filling, his jeans tightening. There wasn’t anything remotely seductive in her._

_Not that swimming cap glued to her head, almost stopping her circulation or that bathing suit flat against her chest, not those shoulders, broader than his, that seemed to engulf the water at every lap._

_Then why couldn't he stop looking at her? Why did he feel that attraction growing at every movement of her body?_

_“What’s my time?” She asked, half shouting at him from the pool._

_She was training for the regional championship and he was helping her like he had promised. He looked down at his chronometer, realizing he had totally forgotten to stop it._

_“This thing doesn’t work, wench.” He shamelessly lied. “You should stop buying this cheap crap.”_

_“Sorry if I’m not a spoiled brat like you, Lannister.” She screamed back and he laughed at her irreverence until she joined him in the laughs._

_“Come on, if you ask it nicely, I’ll buy you a hamburger and one of those milkshakes you like so much.”_

_“Only if you have learned to eat in the meantime.. I don’t want all the pub to look at you.”_

_“No, you just want to be the only one looking at me.”_

* * *

“You liked it so much, admit it. You liked watching me as I was training.”

There was a hint of playfulness in her voice that lured him to move toward her.

“Maybe I was just bored and helping you with checking your time.” He said smiling, closing the space between them and making her retreat until her back touched the edge again.

“You know I can still find the crap behind your lies, don’t provoke me.” She said, biting her bottom lip and he couldn’t look away.

“Oh really? It’s strange, because I was really, really bored back then, wench.”

She held her breath for a moment, affected by the old nickname.

“Are you bored now?” She asked back then, scanning his face.

He didn’t remember this side of her.

He shook his head, not leaving her eyes. “I’m happy..now.”

“Happy?”

He couldn’t stop staring at her, her eyes formed a strange contrast with the water. They were the purest blue, nothing artificial, nothing clear.

They were deep, hermetic somehow, they seemed ready to burn.

They were oceans.

And then he remembered.

He leaned toward her, almost brushing her chin with his own. “I’ve been watching you for some time.” He started singing softly in her ear. “Can’t stop staring at those ocean eyes.” 

She chuckled, resting her cheek against him slightly. “Do you still remember?”

He pulled back, smiling and looking at her and then he found her other ear. “Burning cities and napalm skies, fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes, your ocean eyes.” He sang again.

“You’re out of tune.” She said half laughing, almost breathlessly, while her fingers interlaced in his hair to keep him close.

“Dance with me.” He whispered.

* * *

_“Wench, stop the car.”_

_“What? Are you serious? We are in the middle of the street, Jaime.”_

_“Oh come on, it’s a country road, there’s not a soul around. Stop the car.”_

_“Why should I stop the car?”_

_“Because I love this song.” He said, raising the volume of the radio. She stopped the car in exasperation and he was out in a blink. He opened her car door, offering her his hand. She took it without knowing why. “What in the hell--”_

_“Dance with me, wench.”_

_“What?” She laughed out loud until he pressed her against him, almost taking her breath away._

_“No fair, you really know how to make me cry, when you give me those ocean eyeeees.” He screamed in the air._

_She was still laughing. “Stop shouting.”_

_“It reminds me of you.” He whispered in her ear._

* * *

“We can’t dance in the water.”

“Always that boring, Brienne?” He said jokingly, taking her in his arms and she immediately put hers around his neck. He moved some wet locks flattened on her cheek to rest his own against it while his fingers started caressing her hair. She responded to his touch tightening her grasp around him until they were pressed against each other, their legs interlaced.

They started swaying on the spot, slowly.

He could feel her heart beating fast against his chest and it made him want to feel her closer, pressing her until there was no space between them, just their bodies, connected, glued to each other. He kissed her temple, lingering some seconds with his lips against her hair and she brushed her forehead against his jaw, almost like she was caressing him in turn.

“I’m scared..” He resumed singing softly. “I’ve never fallen from quite this high, falling into your ocean eyes.” His lips moved at that point, finding her forehead, kissing it softly, until she rested it against his. “Those ocean eyes.”

He looked at her lips, caressing them with his fingers. He felt her stilled in his arms, her eyes lowered, shy, while her leg was still pressed against his body, in a contradictory gesture. He almost wanted to close his legs and to trap her there so she would have never left him again.

“What are you doing?” She whispered against his fingers. He didn’t reply, still following the contour of her lips, transfixed, until he stopped, kissing the corner of her mouth instead. “I missed you.” He said against her skin, kissing the same spot again.

“Don’t.” She whispered back.

“Or what?” He asked, a breath away from her lips. He recognized again that storm in her eyes, the same that had made her slap him one minute after their encounter. She pulled him away, extricating herself from his grasp and in five seconds she was out of the water.

“Really?” He asked her incredulous from the pool.

She ignored him, reaching the deck chair to take her dress.

“Are you escaping, Brienne?” When she didn’t reply, he insisted. “Are you escaping again? It seems it’s the only thing you’re able to do, isn’t it?”

She stopped abruptly, turning toward him. “You never gave me another choice.” She replied, half trembling and then she left.

[](https://ibb.co/YDjCHQ6)   
[crea url immagine](https://it.imgbb.com/)  


The moment she reached her room, she was already crying. She entered in the shower to wash the chlorine from her skin. The smell of chlorine had always been their smell, their familiar call, she had sensed it on his skin since their first encounter.

Suddenly she didn’t want to feel it anymore.

The tears mixed with the water and with that sense of surprise; she was surprised it still hurt her that much, it still hurt after eighteen years apart.

She wrapped her body in a robe and she abandoned herself on the bed.

She couldn’t close her eyes, if she had done it, she would have remembered.

They stayed open.

* * *

_“Close your eyes”_

_She sighed, but she did exactly what he was asking. “Jaime.”_

_“Ok, give me your hand.”_

_“Jaime, if this is another of your stupid jokes..”_

_“Why are you always that suspicious, wench?”_

_“Maybe because the last time we ended up in jail at 3 AM for trespassing?”_

_“Wench, that time I didn’t know my aunt had moved..”_

_“Jaime, that time you missed the house number.”_

_“Ok, follow me, ok slow down… slow down, there are stairs, you need to climb the stairs now..”_

_“Jaime, how high are we climbing?!”_

_“Trust me, wench.”_

_“That’s the problem, this will end up so badly..”_

_“Here we are, open your eyes, wench.”_

_She did, finding herself on the roof of their sports complex, she looked at the view in front of her, the city asleep, sprawled in front of her eyes, not a light in the sky, just the stars. A train whistled far away while the breeze was messing slightly her hair. She tried to hide how much she was enjoying every single thing. “Are we going to end up in jail again, aren’t we?”_

_She turned toward him, realizing he was laying a blanket. “Come here.” He said, half smiling and she found a strange nervousness in his eyes that had never belonged to him. They lay down on it, their shoulders touching and she felt his fingers encircling her wrist. She hoped he wouldn’t sensed the erratic beating of her heart._

_It seemed to enjoy a strange dance every time he tried to touch her lately._

_Their fingers then interlaced and he raised their joined hands, pointing at the sky._

_She realized only in that moment the unbelievable amount of stars greeting them. “Do you see that kind of rhombus that seems to have a little tail?” She focused on his words, but his proximity made the attempt harder. “A rhombus with a tail? There’s no such a thing, Jaime..”_

_“Oh come on, next to that bow!”_

_“Do you realize they all seem bows?”_

_“But that bow-bow..on the left.”_

_“Wait, do you mean that kind of kite?”_

_He looked at her almost offended for a moment. “It’s not a kite, wench. It’s a dolphin.”_

_She suddenly burst out laughing. “A dolphin?”_

_“It’s the dolphin’s constellation, wench.”_

_“It doesn’t exist a dolphin constellation, Jaime.” She said, still laughing._

_“It sure does, I searched for it.”_

_“You searched for it? Why?”_

_“Because you told me it was your favorite animal and I just.. I just wanted to..”_

_She stopped laughing, turning toward him, her cheek flattened against the blanket. “You just wanted, what?” She whispered. He looked at her, lingering on her face. He reached out to move a lock of hair from her forehead, fixing it against her ear._

_She held her breath._

_He interrupted their gaze then, focusing on the sky again. “Why would the stars want to look down on such as me?” He sighed._

_“What’s that?”_

_“It was my quote on the yearbook, it suits me perfectly.”_

_“Oh, come on! Stop with that romantic crap.”_

_“It’s true. I’m hopeless, God, totally hopeless, without a concrete prospective in front of me, I’m just a water polo player who pretends to study law just to try not to disappoint his father, thing that I will do anyway, because I fucking hate to study law. I fucked my step sister more than once just because I wanted to. I took you here because you are the only thing that makes sense in my life and I just.. I just wanted to surprise you, to give you something in exchange for once and you just laugh at me. How can I blame you, though? I don’t deserve you. I never will and this was just another stupid attempt to make it less true. That’s who I am, then I look at the stars and there are so beautiful, so firm and perfect.. so why would they want to look down on such as me?”_

_She rested on her elbow, observing him, he had never been that transparent with her._

_“Why would you want to look down on such as me?” He added then in a whisper._

_She didn’t realize a small tear came out from her eye._

_“You’re the best thing ever happened to me.” She whispered back._

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_She kissed him._

_She stopped ten seconds later, when she realized he wasn’t replying to the kiss. “Oh my God, Jaime, I’m so sorry.” She said, distancing herself from him. “Please don’t say anything, I’m mortified, just.. don’t say anything.” She was about to raise up, her movements uncoordinated by the panic, when she felt his hand on her arm, pulling her down again. He moved slowly, straddling her, pinning her hands above her head, just staring at her, not a word from his mouth._

_She was sure he could hear her heart exploding._

_Then, after a last gaze, his lips were on hers and she whimpered against his mouth. She couldn’t move, she was still, under his weight, under his confidence. He kept kissing her until he sighed, half laughing. “Wench, it doesn’t work this way, you’re kissing me like a nun.”_

_She frowned at him. “That’s very disrespectful to say, Jaime, nuns don’t kiss.”_

_“My point, exactly, open that damn sweet mouth.”_

_“I don’t--”_

_He silenced her with his lips and she opened her mouth immediately, welcoming his tongue. In a bunch of seconds, the kiss became deep, frantic, desperate. He was the one moaning against her. One of his hands left her wrist to caress her body and she felt his leg against her sex. He touched her breast, squeezing one through the fabric until he started loosening the buttons of her shirt. “Slow down.” She whispered._

_“You’re right, fuck.” He said, against her lips. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He kept kissing her while he buttoned up her shirt._

_But she wanted him too much to stop. She freed one of her hands from his grasp and she rested it on his hip, pressing his body more against her. He hissed and after some seconds of surprise, he moved his leg against her sex, stimulating it. She replied biting his lip and then licking it. He devoured her mouth at that point, increasing his pressure on her._

_“Jaime..” He bit her neck. “Don’t stop..”_

_She raised her hips, following his movement and he received every moan coming from her, eyes open, forehead against forehead, his breathing challenging hers until she came against him._

_He caressed her cheek at that point, sweetening her release._

_“I won’t let anyone hurt you.”_

_He whispered and she believed him._

* * *

What had hurt him the most, it had been the flames in her eyes the moment she had said those words at him, her voice soft but firm, challenging his eyes._ “You never gave me another choice.”_

There was a meaning behind it, but he couldn’t catch it.

Brienne had left King’s Landing one day and she had never come back.

He had spent years wondering the reason behind that departure, behind that strange behavior that had made her disappear from his life like she had never existed. It had been some days after that kiss, after the beginning of their relationship; Jaime smiled, remembering those tentative moments, both inexperienced in two different ways, both clumsy, both eager, both in love like they had never been before, but still unable to say it loud.

They had always been ready to throw insults at each other, while the words of love had never come easily from their mouths.

Their eyes though, had always been loud, speaking at their place, when they had stayed in silence.

One night then, she had disappeared.

The night in which he had needed her the most.

He had searched for her, but maybe he hadn’t searched harder enough.

Because it had been easier that way, easier not to fall in that trap that looked dangerously as a possibility of love. He already knew he loved her at that point, but he had never wondered how to deal with his love. She had been the one kissing him, breaking that self imposed platonic cage that had always made him feel safe.

She had been the one escaping, but her escape had made him motionless in turn.

He saw her at the Resort cafè the morning after, she wore a big pair of glasses that, he suspected, hid sleeplessness and anxiety. He tried to meet her gaze more then once, but her eyes were fixed on a book she was reading. How many days had they spent like that? With him distracting her reading, simply staring at her, until she surrendered to his insistence, abandoning the book in frustration and listening to his nonsense.

After that, there were always a legend he had read about and ice-cream, he always payed for it.

He approached her table, looking at her and clearing his voice, but she didn’t stop reading this time.

“Can I speak to you for a second?” He asked her.

“I need to be at work in twenty minutes.” She replied, her book almost covered her whole face.

“I need answers, Brienne.”

She lowered her novel, looking at him and he tried to read her eyes behind the glasses. “I still need them too.” She simply said, raising up and leaving the table.

He followed her.

She entered in the elevator quickly, clearly hoping to leave him behind, but he sneaked in, trying not to laugh at her snort of impatience. She didn’t say a word, watching the floor stubbornly and he took advantage of her distraction to press the block button. The elevator stopped abruptly.

“What was that?” She said, alarmed.

“I don’t know, it seems that this thing stopped working.” He answered innocently.

“Did you touch something?”

“Seriously? I’m not a kid anymore, wench.”

“Don’t call me that.” She said, snapping at him. “Please don’t.” And he felt her voice tremble.

“I like calling you like that.” He whispered back. “I missed calling you like this.” He looked at her, recognizing the slight wobble of her chin. “Take off your glasses.” He said sweetly.

She shook her head. “Make this thing work again.”

“Take off your glasses, Brienne.”

She sighed, “Why? Do you want to make fun of me? Like you did years ago? Do you want to see the evidence of how I spent my night crying? Here.” She said, removing them. 

“Are you happy, now?”

Her eyes were glassy and red and he was hit by a wave of tenderness. “Why did you leave me?”

She was surprised by his question and she ignored it, sitting on the elevator’s floor and playing with the glasses in her hands. He mimicked her, sitting next to her and their shoulders brushed one against the other. He smiled, remembering how it had always been his first favorite attempt to touch her, his shoulder against hers.

“Why did you leave me?”

“What happened to your hand?” She replied instead, challenging him.

He stopped her fingers that were still playing with her glasses and he took her hand. She let him, following with her index the scar along his hand and arm. He held his breath, welcoming her sweetness. “It was an accident.” He said then, his voice trembling slightly. “The night you left me, the Prom night.”

Her finger stopped its dance on his skin and she met his eyes. “You were fine that night, I saw you.”

“Did you?” He asked surprised. He gripped her fingers. “Brienne, what happened that night? Why did you leave me?”

“I didn’t want to leave you.” She said. “I had bought a dress for that night..for you. I wanted, I just wanted for you to tell me I was beautiful.” She added in a whisper.

* * *

_Blue, tulle and flowers._

_She tried not to think about the fact that she had spent literally all her savings for that dress, but it was worthy. She didn’t indulge in this kind of vices usually, but two days before Jaime had invited her to the college Prom night, kissing away all her protests and insecurities and she just wanted to embrace that new confidence. She wanted to feel pretty, for once. She wore the dress, it was blue with a sleeveless bodice made of flowers lace, a deep v neckline on the front and a long light skirt in tulle. Her hair was neatly combed for once, her eyelashes covered with mascara._

_She smiled at herself in the mirror._

_They agreed to meet at the campus, Jaime would have arrived directly from his training, reason why when she hadn’t seen him arrive, she had decided to walk toward the locker rooms. She knocked but after some seconds, she realized they were empty, just the sound of a shower in the background. Then she heard some voices coming from the pool. She followed that sound, stopping at the entering._

_“That big cow that follows Lannister everywhere?”_

_“Yes, Brienne the beauty.”_

_“I can’t believe Lannister almost fucked her..”_

_“I think he was dead drunk, Hunt.” They all burst out laughing. “I mean he must be, or he’s probably into men and still not ready to admit it.”_

_“I don’t know, he still fucks his sister and well, I would fuck her gladly for sure.”_

_“They still fuck, don’t they?”_

_“Sure, I saw them together two days ago, she seemed well ravaged and satisfied.”_

_They all laughed. “How can he fucks that pretty cunt and then come back to that cow?”_

_She felt a pang in her stomach._

_“Wait, was he part of the bet, right?”_

_“Can’t remember, Red..”_

_“Come on, 50 dragons for the one true hero brave enough to fuck her.”_

_“Fuck, but that bastard already shits gold.”_

_“Let’s not remind him then.”_

_“Remind me what?”_

_When she saw him, her heart was in her throat. He wore a navy blue suit, white shirt and black papillon._

_He was handsome and she was a stupid. _

_For a moment her vision blurred and stains of mascara slid on her cheeks. She tried to cover herself, hiding the neckline of her dress, flattening the tulle. She wanted to disappear._

_And yet her feet didn’t move._

_“Did you fuck her or not?”_

_She didn’t hear his reply. “Come on, do you want the money or not?” She heard the laughter, his one too, louder than the others and then she ran away._

* * *

“I need to go out.” She said, swiping away a tear from her cheek. “I can’t breath.”

He seemed speechless for a moment. “Did you leave me for that?”

She looked incredulous at him. “You promised me no one would have hurt me.” She whispered. “I trusted you.”

“No, you clearly didn’t.” He almost shouted back.

She was shocked by the pain in his eyes. “A bet, Jaime.. a bet for my virginity. Do you realize how..”

“I didn’t know anything about that fucking bet.” He interrupted her. “I fought against my whole team that night, the moment they told me about it. I fought every single one of them who dared even say your name, I kicked them, insulted them, I took fists and kicks back, God, I can still feel the blood’s taste in my mouth. I tried to resist, Brienne, I really did, but they surrounded me and they were five and all against me, they..” He suddenly stopped, swallowing and letting a tear escaping his eyes in turn. “They smashed my hand with a bat and they just wouldn’t stop. There was blood everywhere and I felt all the strength leaving me at once but you know what hurt me the most? The fact that I kept hearing your name, again and again coming from their lips when I knew they weren’t even worthy of breath your same air. I was the first one not worthy, God.”

She was speechless for a moment.

“They left me on that floor, in my own blood, the watchman found me the morning after. He called an ambulance, I needed a surgery instantly. They said I would never had my hand back. When I woke up..”

“Please, stop.” She said in a whisper. “Really, stop.”

He looked at her, tilting her chin toward him. “I tried to call you.. every single day. I asked your friends back then, your teachers, your trainer. No one knew. You disappeared.”

Her tears were wetting his fingers and he tried to brush them away from her skin.

“I left the team, I changed college, trying to start again. I couldn’t move my hand at the beginning. It took me one year of rehabilitation, but they told me I couldn’t have played anymore.”

He caressed her cheek at that point, trying to calm her erratic breathing, “Shh, it’s ok, breathe.” He whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “Do you know, I was a disaster during my training that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about your indignation that first time when I told you that you were kissing me like a nun, about how you learned to kiss me five seconds later, you’ve always been a fast learner wench, haven’t you? I couldn’t stop thinking about the way you came against me, that only time, moaning my name again and again, you had never said my name like that and I couldn’t wait to tell you how beautiful you were in whatever dress you had chosen, honestly? I didn’t care which one, I just wanted to take it off from you.”

He swiped away some tears from her cheeks. “Stop crying, sweetheart.”

“It was blue.” She said, sniffing in a childish way that he found adorable. “It was blue with lace and tulle. It cost me a fortune. I had to eat tuna cans for two weeks because I didn’t have money for a proper meal.”

He laughed against her skin, loving her proximity, loving the faint trace of chlorine he could still discern in her hair. “Do you still have it?” He whispered in her ear. She nodded, hiding her face in his neck, like she was finally yielding to his touch. Then she took his right hand, her eyes looking for his scar, until her lips was on it, following its length, eyes closed, every inch punctuated with a kiss. He moaned, burying his fingers in her hair and tilting her face toward him in a possession gesture. They stared at each other for some seconds and he felt that thrill, the one that suggested him that his life was about to change forever.

A crossroad.

His mind reminded him that another woman was waiting for him at home, a woman he would have never loved, while his heart, beating fast, urging him to close that space, to annihilate the distance from the past, changing the path of the present, in turn.

She had always been his road for joy, his pursuit of happiness.

He closed his eyes.

The door of the elevator opened.

“Are you ok Mister, Miss? You’ve been blocked in there for 20 minutes.” The lobby man asked them.

They stood up immediately.

“Yes, finally! Something is wrong with this thing, you need to check it out. Thank you.”

They exited the elevator, not a word between them, their shoulders brushing, until they stopped in front of her locker room’s door.

She looked at him, the previous warmth gone from her eyes. “Why didn’t you try to find me?”She suddenly asked.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“I hope one day she’ll make you happy.” She said then, entering in the room and closing the door behind her.

* * *

_“Happy?”_

_“Yep, three things that make you happy, wench.”_

_She contemplated his question, closing her eyes and resting her head on the edge of the pool, she could feel the rim of the water tickling her ears. “Ice cream..dolphins...and..”_

_“That’s enough, thanks wench.”_

_“You said three.”_

_“Oh I know, number three is me.”_

* * *

Three times she had taken that dress from the wardrobe and two times she had put it back in order again. The third time, the fabric couldn’t leave her. Sometimes she wondered if that dress could somehow take her in that old naive spell. Maybe once worn, she would have been carried eighteen years in the past and relive everything or change it, like in that sci-fi TV show she had watched last week. There was a party that night, the closure event for the guests and ironically the theme was “Prom night”. She had refused to be a part of it, at the beginning.

Then she had changed her mind.

After their encounter in the elevator the day before, Brienne had spent the day in her usual routine; she had taught to the kids to do the “butterfly stroke” technique; they had learned in silence and she had been grateful for that silence, until little Lyanna had looked at her exasperated, claiming butterflies didn’t kick like that. She had explained her that the kicking came from the dolphins and the only mention of that word had caused a tangle in her stomach.

That night she found his message on her phone, wondering how he had got her number.

-You still smell the same, peaches and chlorine.

She hid her phone in frustration under the pillow, almost like she could pretend his text hadn’t existed, but then her fingers found it seconds later.

-Chlorine doesn’t smell good.

-It does, on you.

-Stop it.

-I can’t.

She put her phone face down on the bed. Please stop. Thirty seconds later it vibrated again.

-Be my date tomorrow night.

-I can’t.

-Just give me one night. You owe me. You didn't trust me 18 years ago, trust me now. Just one night.

-And then?

-Then I’ll keep wanting you again.

She sighed, shifting on the mattress and burying her face in the pillow. She held her breath some seconds against it, like she was trying to clear her mind and then her fingers wrote on its own accord.

-Just a night.

She turned off her phone.

The dress was the same, the mood different.

The first time had been marked by hope, the present time by uncertainty.

Her hair was wavy, almost brushing her collarbones, still a little damp from her shower. She looked at herself in the mirror and she liked what she saw, almost not recognizing herself.

Ironic how actually she had always felt herself with him only, under the insistence of his gaze.

She fixed her make up for the last time and she reached the party. A thousand colors exploded in front of her eyes, she recognized her students’ parents smiling politely at her, she discerned some surprise in their eyes at the same time, but she didn’t care at the moment. She didn’t have time for that hesitation that she always found in some strangers’ eyes every time she dared to be different, every time she tried to embrace her feminine side more.

She liked it.

Then she saw him, in his dark blue suit with papillon, white shirt, his hair neatly combed on one side. He was chatting kindly with an elder woman who clearly couldn’t take her eyes off him when his gaze fixed on hers and she held her breath. He looked at her from head to toes, slowly, savoring every second. She saw him kissing chivalrously the woman’s hand and moving in her direction. He stopped a few steps from her, still not a word from his lips. His eyes though, seem unable to stay in silence.

She didn’t wear heels so their heights basically matched.

He swallowed imperceptibly, closing the distance between them.

She felt him sighing, following his movements out of the corner of her eye, his gaze tracing the length of her neck. “Are you real?” He whispered in her ear.

She smiled against his cheek, ignoring the wild beating of her heart. “This crap doesn’t work with me, Lannister.”

He chuckled, the sound vibrating against her skin, “Then why you seem breathless?”

She retreated a little, meeting his gaze and finding the same spark mirrored in his eyes, desire.

He broke the silence after some seconds. “What do you want?” He asked her.

_You._

She saw him pointing at the bar at the end of the dance floor. “I.. I don’t know.” She replied, not able to hide a hint of nervousness.

He seemed to sense her hesitation, his fingers interlacing with hers. “It’s a simple drink, wench.” He told her softly.

“Nothing is simple, tonight.” She said back, half trembling. She felt his lips on her forehead at that point and she closed her eyes immediately, like his touch could calm and excite her at the same time. “Let’s make it simple, then.” He said against her hair and he took her hand, leading her to the bar.

“Two sex on the beach.” He asked the bartender and she burst out laughing. He looked at her, his eyes shining and he bit his lip. “What?” He asked innocently, tugging playfully her arm.

“I can’t believe you’ve just asked that.”

“It was your favorite, wasn’t it?” She was still laughing. They sat on the stools, facing each other, their knees brushing. “Come on, I thought you liked sex on the beach.” He said with a hint of seduction that made her roll her eyes.

“Stop it.” She said, smiling.

“I missed it.” He added abruptly, catching her eyes. “Your laugh.. I really missed it. Sometimes, I just closed my eyes and your laugh kept echoing in my head, again and again and every time I tried to hold on that memory, but I guess it has never left me at the end.”

She dismissed his gaze, playing with the tulle of her skirt instead. “So since we’re drinking the same old cocktail, do you want to play to the same old game?” She asked him, breaking the tension.

He nodded, reaching out to fix a lock of hair falling on her face. She closed her eyes briefly again at the contact.

“This dress you’re wearing is the same of eighteen years ago.” He stated.

She almost held her breath in response. “Ah, I knew it.” He said excited. “Drink, sweetheart.”

She gulped some of the drink. “Ok, my turn.” She said, “You were the one blocking the elevator yesterday.”

He tried to hold back a laughter. “I wasn’t..”

“Oh come on, don’t cheat.”

He laughed now, taking a sip from his cocktail.

“God, I knew it..” She said, shaking her head.

He stared at her, lingering on her dress for some seconds.“You’re not wearing a bra under that dress.” He said, his voice husky. She wasn’t indeed, the neckline was too deep in the front. She didn’t break his gaze while drinking. He swallowed and drank too. “Why are you drinking?” She asked him, frowning in false confusion.

“You read that story about the opalescent shells on the book I gave you for your birthday.” She added. He smiled sweetly at her and he sipped from his drink.

“You live on that boat just because you’re still not ready to settle down, to find a man, to make a family. You just want something temporary, something easy.” He said serious.

She swallowed, surprised by the turn of the conversation. “Wrong.” She said then. “You’re wrong. I live on a boat because in two steps I’m in the sea, I want a wedding and two babies, I want to teach them how to swim just born and I want to spend my evenings in the arms of my husband, watching the sunset and telling stories to our kids.”

He stared at her, overwhelmed by her words. “You can’t wait for me to ask you to dance on that dance floor.” He said then, breaking the tension.

“Wait.. this isn--”

“Drink.” He said, smiling.

She blushed in a hint of indignation.“First thing, it was my turn and second.. I hate dancing.”

He rested his empty cocktail on the bar counter, standing up and positioning himself between her legs, half opened due to her position, his hands on the sides of the stool, trapping her. The tulle brushed against his pants. “First thing..” he said, leaning toward her, his nose brushing her cheek. “You’re adorable when you blush like that, it makes me want to bite your neck to prolong the blush on your skin and second.. yes, you hate dancing, that’s true but.. you love dancing with me.” He retreated to gauge her reaction. She lowered her eyes because she couldn’t bear his proximity until she felt his forehead against hers. “Asshole.” She muttered.

He laughed and then sighed, “I know you missed me.”

He wondered why she always seemed light in his arms, maybe it was the real weight of rightness, that rightness that he had been rediscovering since the first moment he had set his eyes on her. He usually liked to tease her during their previous dances, but now he realized that he couldn’t. He just wanted to feel her, her breathe tickling his skin, her gasps every time he dared to erase the little space left between their bodies, her fingers unsure of their explorations but firm in their touch.

He felt wanted and she was beautiful.

He still needed to tell her that.

_Somebody said you disappeared in a crowd_

_I didn't understand then,_

_I don't understand now. _

He could hear in the background and he realized he had reached that point in which every song seemed to talk about her, about them, but strangely, that pathetic nature didn’t offend him, he wanted to embrace it, fully. If only she hadn’t disappeared that day, maybe.. just maybe he would have been the man of her fantasies, holding her while the sun colored the sky a last time before falling into the water; maybe he would have convinced her to have more than two babies and he would have been the one telling them a story, maybe their story.

_Am I the one you think about when you're sitting in your fainting chair drinking pink rabbits? _

More like a deck chair, under the stars with him making love with her until the first lights of dawn would have appeared.

_It wasn't like a rain it was more like a sea,_

_I didn't ask for this pain it just came over me._

There had always been a sea between them, an ocean, keeping them apart, until he had met her again._ I just turned around, and there you are._

_I’m so surprised you want to dance with me now, I was just getting used to living life without you around._

_I’m so surprised you want to dance with me now, you always said I held you way too high off the ground._

She sighed in his ear and for a moment the spell broke; he retreated a little to find the familiar spark in her eyes and when he saw it, his hands moved from her waist to cup her face, fingers sliding in her hair, maybe a little too strong. He wanted to tell her that she was his, but he knew that it was a lie.

_You said it would be painless,_

_It wasn't that at all._

But that night it wasn’t about pain, that night was about them.

She surprised him once again then, one of her hand circled his wrist, his hands still cupping her face almost like he feared she could disappeared again. She looked at him deeply, like she was about to reveal the deepest truth.

“You never bathed in the ocean full clothed.” She said eventually.

He frowned, smiling, half confused, half amused.

“You should drink now, those are the rules.”

* * *

_“Have you ever bathed full clothed in the ocean, wench?”_

_She sighed, closing her algebra book, defeated. From the very first moment they had started studying that afternoon, he had found more exciting to write a list of weird things they needed to do together. “You’re not helping, we’re supposed to study.”_

_“That’s incorrect, you are supposed to study, I’m supposed to distract you, as we always do.”_

_“You are supposed to shut the fuck up and learn how to calculate--”_

_“Come on wench, you and me jumping full clothed in the ocean.”_

_“And why on earth would you want to jump with me full clothed in the ocean?”_

_He hesitated a little, hating that a bunch of seconds would have weighted even more his following words. “Because I want to see you smile.”_

_She was stuck for a moment, but then she reopened her book, pretending to write random numbers on the page. “That’s not..I smile, I.. I always smile.” She said, not raising her eyes._

_She didn’t, not since she had lost her father two weeks before and he had noticed it._

_“Smile.” He asked her then._

_But when she met his gaze, he found two small tears instead. It was the second time he saw her cry and he soon realized he didn’t want to see it anymore. She didn’t flinch when his arm slid around her body to pull her against him. Her head found his shoulder, naturally. _

_He didn’t flinch when he felt her tears wetting his neck._

_Just his heart beating faster, almost sensing it was the first time he was touching her like that._

_“I’ve never either.” He said. “I’ve never bathed full clothed in the ocean.”_

* * *

“We can’t now.” He laughed, his thumbs brushing her cheeks.

“Why not?” She freed herself from his grasp, her fingers still around his wrist and she led him out of the dance floor.

He followed her.

They jogged away until the lights of the party became confused rays in the distance, the music a soft reminder. When their feet touched the sand, she started removing her shoes and he mimicked her movements, almost hypnotized by her confidence.

“You will ruin your dress.” He said then.

“You’ve already seen it.”

She took his hand, facing the ocean. “Ready?” She asked him and he squeezed her fingers in response.

They ran.

They didn’t stop until the water covered their shoulders, their steps heavy and clumsy, but their hands still linked.

Then she laughed, looking at him and he wanted to kiss her.

She seemed to expect his actions because a second later she disappeared underwater and he followed her once again. He realized that he would have spent his life following her.

He found her face immediately, it wasn’t dark and he would have discerned her eyes everywhere. The tulle of her dress surrounded them, creating a sapphire vortex.

She seemed a mermaid.

A funny thought crossed his mind,_ if I kiss her now, the secret will belong down here, to the ocean and no one will know, _ like they could have an alternative universe where they could kiss underwater.

He was almost breathless when he felt her lips against him, like she was both silencing and validating his thoughts.

_Put your lips on me and I can live underwater._

It lasted five seconds, then she left him again, resurfacing from the water.

When he reached her on surface, his arm circled immediately her body, pulling her flat against him. He breathed hard, almost touching her mouth and then her nose brushed his, her eyes starting to flutter.

Suddenly a light beam invested them, interrupting the intimacy, their bodies retreating.

“What’s that?”

“Fuck, that’s the keeper.”

The beach keeper was indeed pointing a torch in their direction when they started running, trying to reach the shore, their movements slow due to the weight of their clothes and the distraction of their laughter. When they touched the sand, they grabbed their shoes and they resumed running, hand in hand.

They felt young.

It didn’t matter if they were dripping water, if they were bumping into some guests leaving the party, gaining curious looks from them, they kept running and laughing. When they entered in the hotel, they found the stairs, climbing up until he led her to his room’s door. His fingers starting to fumble with the card to open the door, while her laughter still filled his ears.

He took her inside, closing the door behind them.

She was still laughing, her breathing accelerated, mouth open, her hair, wet, half flattened on her cheek and she was pretty sure her mascara dribbled around her eyes, but she didn’t care. He was looking at her, the same breathing, the same shabbiness, but he still looked handsome. Small drops of water were falling from his locks, slowly, wetting his face and she was mesmerized. Their laughter dissolved at the same time, turning into something she was afraid to name and when he took a step toward her, never leaving her eyes, she retreated.

He took another one and she did it again;

He looked at her with a desire that made her tremble, like she was a prey without escape.

Until in a blink, his patience now gone, he pushed her hard against the wall and his mouth, at the same time, silenced her surprise.

She opened her mouth immediately to receive his intrusion and he moaned against her lips, entering her with his tongue. She replied to him, challenging his movements, following his lead, sliding her tongue against his, but at some point changing direction, taking the lead in turn until he bit her bottom lip and shoved her against the wall more forcefully. Her fingers buried in his hair, almost pulling them, while she sucked his bottom lip and he replied, assaulting her mouth again. They stopped for breathing, panting against each other’s mouth, unable to interrupt their gaze, until Jaime started tracing the contour of her lips with his tongue, slowly. She moaned, her calf circling his leg and pulling his body more against her until she felt his erection pressed on her. The action made him pushed her against the wall once again. She mimicked him, licking his lips in turn, sucking the salt from them. “You’re salty.” She whispered.

“You are.” He said hoarsely. “you make me thirsty.” He smiled, smug, taking her mouth again, this time slowly, more seductively and in a blink, following his spell, she found herself with her hands pinned above her head.

“I want you.” He said hotly in her ear, biting her lobe and caressing her arms slowly, her wrists, until his fingers circled around them. She tried playfully to free herself from his grasp, but he strengthened it, shoving her again against the wall.

“I want you.” He said now against her lips. He licked them, until the tip of tongue played with her tip in turn, then she moved, finding his neck and biting it slightly. “We.. we have.. we have to stop.” She said incoherently while she was sucking his skin.

One of his hand left one of her wrist still pinned, and grabbed her hair, pulling her head toward him. “I can’t.” He said, a second before assaulting her mouth again.

“Jaime.” She moaned, feeling his erection against her. “I can’t, Brienne.”

Their tongues dueled again, both trying to dominate the other until he broke the kiss and his hand freed one breast from her bodice, tearing it apart, not too gently. He stopped, looking at it, almost with reverence and then he lowered his mouth, blowing softly on her nipple, the tip of his tongue started teasing it then, already erect, ready. He kept licking it, slowly and she felt her knees weakening. She freed one of her pinned hand and she cupped his head, following his movements, but leading them at the same time.

“More, please.” She said faintly, and he stopped abruptly, finding her eyes. The look he gave her almost made her come and then his teeth were around her nipple, teasing it gently at first and then sucking it thoroughly. She seemed almost to lose her senses at that point, or better her sanity, because at the same time, her hand, still trapped, escaped from his grasp to find her other nipple and she started pinching herself under the fabric. She didn’t know if he was more shocked or turned on by her behavior but a second later, he joined her fingers on the other nipple, licking both it and her fingertips until she teased the contour of his lips with one of her digit and then she pushed it in his mouth. He moaned, sucking it while she moved it in and out his mouth, totally yielding to that insane passion that was consuming her inside. When he freed her finger, he raised, trapping her face between his hands, panting against her.

“Tell me you want me.” He said, sounding desperate.

_We need to stop._

She found out she couldn’t reply to him.

His forehead touched hers. “Tell me you want me.” He whispered. “Please.”

She almost held her breath, then something flickered in his eyes and he turned her body, pushing her hard against him, his erection pressed on her buttocks. “Tell me you want me.” He whispered again, while his hands surrounded her and they started traveling under the tulle of her skirt. She heard a ripping sound, realizing her dress had been ruined again by his hunger. His fingers caressed her panties and she felt him hissing in her ear.

“You’re always that wet?”He asked her. “You’re always that wet or it’s me, Brienne?”

She was about to reply to him when she felt both his hands sliding inside her panties and cupping her sex, squeezing it slightly. She moaned, her head fell behind, leaning on the space between his neck and his shoulder and she yielded to his assault. He stimulated her using all his fingers, caressing her softly, his touch faint.

“Did you think about me?” He asked her while caressing her. “All these years, when other men touched you, loved you.. like this.. did you think about me?”

She closed her eyes, wanting to accentuate his pressure. “Jaime..”

“Did you, wench?” He kept asking. “Did you close your eyes pretending I was the one fucking you, tasting you.. making you come?”

She turned her head, finding his neck. “Please..” She begged him against his skin.

He inserted one finger inside her, then another one while his other hand caressed her clit.

“You don’t know how much I dreamed about this.” He said, kissing her temple, his movements faster. “You can’t understand.”

She kissed his chin, angling her face to meet his eyes. “I do.. I can.” They kissed at the same time then, sweetly, slowly and she followed his lead until she felt her orgasm approaching. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed. “Open them.” He begged her. She did and he smiled. “So beautiful.. ocean eyes. You are so beautiful.”

She came, moaning against his neck.

He was breathing hard, their spell still intact. He kissed her eyelids, her nose, her forehead. “We need to stop.” He said faintly. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly and then she turned in his arms, facing him and kneeling in front of him.

He swallowed, anticipating her intentions. “Brienne..”

She untied his belt and loosened his pants. She felt his hands, gentle, around her face, caressing her everywhere.

She had never felt so loved.

She lowered his boxer, careful with his erection and then her lips were around it. She didn’t tease, she didn’t explore, she just gave him everything in a blink. She went up and down, his fingers around her never losing their sweetness, never stopping loving her. She sucked it deeply, with carefulness and while she did it, she met his eyes, obfuscated by the pleasure. She held his gaze, noticing that his eyelids were starting to flutter, then her hands found his ass, squeezing it and pulling him more against her. She could see when his imposed self control begun to vacillate because his hips started moving slowly, following her actions. She encouraged him at that point, making him move in and out of her until he grabbed her hair and he started thrusting inside her mouth.

He came a minute later.

She rested her forehead against his thigh, breathing hard against his skin while his hands kept caressing her hair. She stood up then and the weight of what they had just done seemed to hit them in turn.

“I..” She started saying. “That was.. I should probably go.”

She saw him shaking his head and she wanted so much to cling to that, lingering in the same folly that had brought them together; she turned around, approaching the door, when she felt his fingers around her wrist. She turned toward him.

“Stay.. please.” He almost begged her. “I just.. I just want to hold you.”

She nodded, unable to resist him.

“Can I.. can I borrow something from you?” She asked him, suddenly shy. “I mean, I can’t sleep in this.”

His eyes softened when he looked at her. He approached her, taking her hand. “It’s too soon to sleep.” He saw the confusion in her eyes. “Let me take off the salt from your skin first.” 

She blinked at him, her fingers trembling under his hand. “We shouldn’t..”

“Take off your dress.” He asked her.

She hesitated for some seconds, but then she did it. She was naked in front of him, except for her panties still wet, glued on her. He swallowed, caressing her with his eyes, and then he undressed himself, until he remained only with his boxer.

He took her hand again, leading her toward the shower, her skin covered in freckles and goosebumps. He found the right temperature and he took her in, pointing the jet toward her and she held her breath at the contact.

“Too cold?”

“Nope, it’s perfect.”

He looked at her for some seconds, her lips were trembling. “Come here, you’re shivering.” He took her in his arms and he felt her release the breath she was holding against his neck. He hugged her tightly, feeling every inch of her skin against him. “Relax.” He whispered in her ear.

Then he took the soap and he started caressing her body with it. “Stop trembling.” He said, against her forehead. “What is it?” She shook her head faintly and he kissed her eyelids in turn, then her nose, her upper lip, her chin; she laughed when his eyelashes tickled her nose. He smiled too, relieved to hear that sound. “There’s salt everywhere, wench, it’s not my fault.” He said, resuming his kisses.

“And you’re trying to remove it kissing it away?”

He took her bottom lip between his teeth and bit it gently. “It’s exactly what I’m doing. Now turn, I’m going to wash your hair.”

She did and he massaged it, his fingers heavy but gentle on her scalp; she moaned in pleasure at some point and he couldn’t help but press his erection against her buttocks in response. “Jaime..”

His hands left her hair and they traveled on her front, kneading her breasts in turn and going down until they stopped at the rim of her panties. He sighed. “Tell me to stop.”

She took his hand, moving it away and he was disappointed for a moment, until she turned in his arms and she led his fingers inside her panties, slowly. “I want you to look at me this time.” She said. “And I want to look at you while I give you pleasure.” Her hand slid in his boxer, closing around his erection.

“Brienne.” He moaned her name. She started stroking it while his fingers were still, unable to move. “Pleasure me.” She whispered in his ear and he almost came just for those words. He moved his hand then, sliding two fingers inside her while his thumb caressed her clitoris. Her strokes were firm and he mimicked them, speeding his fingers. She rested her forehead against his. “Look at me.” She said.

He opened his eyes. “I can’t.”

“Why?” She said, panting against his lips.

“Because they scare me.” He silenced her protest with his lips for a moment, kissing her hard. “Because I would give them the universe, because I would give them whatever they want.”

“They want to make you happy..I.. I want to make you happy.” She said then. “Jaime..” She moaned against his mouth. “Let me make you happy.”

He sighed, resting his head on her shoulder and biting it not too gentle; she moaned and he increased his strokes. “You already make me happy, you always did.. just thinking of you makes me happy, you breathing makes me happy.” He said. Her left hand reached out to take his hair and to pull his face toward her. “Say it again.” She almost begged.

“You are my happiness, I already knew it eighteen years ago and I know it now.”

“Then stay with me.” She panted against his lips. “Please, don’t leave me.”

They came together, their lips silencing each other’s moans.

None of them realized that spending the night in each other’s arms could beat any other form of intimacy; his fingers seemed unable to stop caressing her, his lips forming words against her shoulder, her temple. They remembered their first meeting, Brienne immediately being annoyed at him while Jaime claiming they got along from the very first moment. He spent some seconds trying to silence her impossible laughter in response, his hand lightly pressed on her lips, warning her she was waking up all the rooms of the floor. She kept laughing against his fingers until he couldn’t resist the light in her eyes anymore and he tried to silence her with his lips instead.

She melted against him, finding the same smile in his eyes.

They kept kissing slowly, tenderly until they both fell asleep, her fingers in his hair, his face resting on the crook of her neck.

They both knew that perfection couldn’t last, though; it was that kind of happiness that consumed itself in the arc of a night, in a summer dream, in a song sung out loud, and when she woke up, he wasn’t there.

She felt the world crumble once again, despite the fact that she wasn’t surprised; she felt like her love had clouded that rational part of herself that had never betrayed her, she felt like yelling at herself, at her weakness that had always had his face.

He should have made her feel stronger, not weak, then maybe that was the impossibility of their love, its flaw.

She stood up, fighting the tears that still hadn’t fallen until she saw at the corner of her eye a piece of folded paper on the side table.

She reached for it and she immediately discerned his hand writing.

_Brienne,_

_this time I’m the one escaping and somehow it feels like I have no other choice, like you, that first time. Finding you again has been like a never ending dream, somehow it has felt like breathing again and it’s both wonderful and frightening at the same time._

_ I could tell you that being with you feels like something surreal, something impossible and I wouldn’t lie. You feel surreal, you feel like something I can’t aim at, someone I can’t reach, you feel perfect._

_What I know is that I’m not a part of this perfection, I feel it doesn’t belong to me, it feels distant; How can I give you myself when another woman's waiting for me, another imposed reality, another prospective, another life, this one real, this one stale in its apathy? This is what I deserve, just a kind of punishment to my cowardice that made me still when I should have run after you, years ago._

_Now it’s late, late to live the dream, late to try._

_I’m going to be married to another woman soon and yet you will always be the love of my life._

_The love, yes._

_Because this time though, I need to tell you something, I need to tell you that I’m in love with you and I can’t remember the last day I wasn’t._

_ I love you, Brienne and it hurts me that I’m hiding myself behind a piece of paper, it hurts me not being able to tell you this, looking in your astonishing eyes that have never stopped making me desire you. It seems to me sometimes that we’ve been made to look at each other's eyes, that we've been made to always find each other and meeting you again, after eighteen years apart, gave me the final confirmation, the one I was trying desperately to ignore._

_ I wish I would be able to scream my love at you, to walk hand in hand with you, to spend my life silencing your too loud laughter, to give you that happiness that we’ve always searched together, to give you all the pleasure that I have always imagined in my dreams. I hope you’ll believe in my love and maybe those days together will have meant something. I will grip on them, I will savory every memory, even your indignation, your tears, but especially the taste of salt on your skin._

_ My only regret is that I will never make love to you, I will never be in you, but it’s better this way perhaps, because once inside you, I wouldn’t be able to leave you._

_I once told you that I was one of the three things that made you happy._

_I was lying, you are the happiness, you alone._

_I wish you were mine._

_I love you, ocean eyes._

_Jaime._

**One month later.**

Brienne woke up, ready to face another day. Every day she could spot the little opalescent shell on her side table, but she still hadn’t find the courage to pick it and throw it in the sea, where it belonged, far away. Maybe beacuse throwing that shell away would have meant close that door forever, and she wasn't ready, not yet. She ate breakfast, she dressed casually and twenty minutes later she left her boat.

When she walked to work, she stopped by the small newsstand at the end of the port because Podrick had asked her to buy a sports newspaper for him; she was waiting for her turn, when something caught her attention.

**The golden bachelor Jaime Lannister strikes again.**

Next to the tilte, there was close up of Jaime that took half of the cover.

She held her breath for a second.

“Brienne, is everything ok?”

“Yes, sorry Davos, I take this and.. this one too.” She said, picking the gossip magazine. Ten seconds later she opened the magazine, searching for the article, her fingers were trembling.

Then she found it.

**Incredible news, from the capital! 40 years old Jaime Lannister left her almost bride, Margaery Tyrell on the altar under the eyes of 500 guests.**

Her breath almost stopped.

* * *

_“Wench?”_

_“What?”_

_“Do you want to get married, one day?”_

_She sighed. “I don’t know Jaime.. Do you?”_

_He took some seconds to reply. “I do.. but only with you.”_


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry guys, I had to add this empty chapter because ao3 messed with my publication date, or better I didn't know it would have picked the date of the draft and not the one of the real publication. Anyway I just wanted you to see and read this story. If you want to leave a comment, please do it at the end of chapter1. Thank you so much again.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, don't hate me, don't hate me, don't hate me.  
There will be a sequel, I promise you, but only if you liked the first part and you want more. I really needed to end this one this way, it seemed more realistic to me, but there will be a happy ending, I promise you.  
Anyway, did you like this one?Are you in for a sequel? Please let me know. X


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